I had a person tell me once “Falling off the wagon is part of the process, the point is to run and get back on” I don’t ever think I will forget that.
It’s true. Whether its excuses, self-sabotage, or priorities. You will inevitably change course.
There were several things for me: I found out I had PCOS, I had a new job working a lot of overtime, balancing a new schedule, injuries, and simply putting my health on the back burner.
Changing behaviors is a balancing act and you will get unbalanced.
When you get unbalanced … what do you do?
I get depressed, I berate myself for being weak, I feel shame, I give up, and I start not to care. Then all of a sudden I have gained 35lbs back of what I lost. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself once in a while, BUT don’t stay here. It’s a dark and scary spiral that pushes your friends and family away. It gets slippery real quick, and then you are all alone. That’s where the enemy likes you, in this state of mind.
Part of my struggle is with an auto-immune disease like PCOS but the other part is pizza, cookies, cake, churros at Disneyland, Ice Cream (if you live in the San Diego Area try Narvalo Ice cream &Gelato in Vista, Ca. they are the best) Ect…. Ect…. It’s all about choices… either you do or you don’t.
Really though, it’s like anything you learn for the first time, there will be mistakes made along the way. It’s what you do with those mistakes is what is important. For me: I refocus, I find my balance again, I learn from those mistakes, and I pray.
One thing that one of my trainers had me do is write down all of my goals, big or small. It didn’t matter if it was fitness focused or personal focused. I will be honest. I wasn’t thrilled about the exercise because it was hard. What are my goals, what do I want to do? Where do I want to be? However, when I commit to something I do it. At the end I barely had enough paper to write. It’s a fun task once I did it.
Just remember, everyone gets unbalanced at some point. No matter what you see on social media, every.one.gets.unbalanced. What separates the people that succeed from the rest, is how quickly they run to jump back on that wagon.
I am not going to lie, I was really nervous about my annual trip to Disneyland for the Halloween party this year. Besides the fact that you have trick or treat stations all over the park, which yes I got all the candy I could. You have your special treats. Like for me, I always have to have a pretzel or dole whip. Then there is always the Three Cheese Monte Cristo at Café Orleans. I knew this year because I am working on getting rid of the Candida Overgrowth I wasn’t going to have my special treats or Halloween candy. I was going to have to adjust to this habit.
We ate dinner first, at Café Orleans. I was amazed, when you make your reservation for the restaurant they ask if you have food allergies. I checked yes – Gluten/soy/dairy/grains those all pertain to my diet. Then when we get seated the hostess confirmed that we had allergies in our party. I was expecting a separate menu. As always I mentally prepare when I go to any restaurant, knowing the basics: veggies, meat, & beans are basically what I eat on this diet.
Well they full on had the chef come out to discuss my dietary restrictions with me. There was basically two things that fell into my allowance… a salad that he would have to take out all the fruit so it would basically be lettuce and chicken OR the N’awlins Vegetable Ragoût with Blackened Chicken– It comes with Eggplant, Red Onions, Bell Peppers, Squash, Zucchini, and fresh Garlic served with Corn Cakes topped with Grana Padano Cheese. SO the chef said “I can omit the cheese and the corn cakes but we can give you rice” I said, “no grains” So my meal came out with a spicy tomato sauce with all the veggies, chicken & some asparagus instead of the corn cakes. It was SO filling and delicious.
I was so impressed with the accommodations that Disney provided. The fact that they had the chef come out to accommodate my dietary needs is top notch customer service. I mean you can eat healthy where ever you are; you just need to be creative and be willing to ask. Disneyland makes it so easy to eat healthy too. There are fresh fruit/veggie stands all over in California Adventure and right there on Main Street. It comes down to choices. Either you choose to or you don’t.
If anyone tells you that Disneyland or anywhere for that matter only has unhealthy options it just means they are lazy or unwilling to research, because honestly there can be good choices if you look for them.
I was Ursula the Sea Witch this year……. How amazing did my tentacles come out?? My friend Laura is amazing, cant wait for next year!!!
I recently had a conversation with my nutritionist Julianna and she asked how my progress was going and I said “I lost 11lbs, but this is the weight I start climbing back up” I have been hitting a wall at 220lbs, I just cant get past that number. Julianna said “Angela, you are always going to weigh. You have A lot of muscle mass, that is how your body is made up, its just that we want that weight to be muscle not fat.”
Man that was such a hard pill to swallow.
We all have this idea of what weight loss is all about. I thought my goal was going to be at least 170lbs or less and 20% body fat. Then I get a bomb like this. “You will always weigh” It really blew my mind.
Like, the concept that I will always weigh ….. what did that mean to me? That meant that I will always be fat. Julianna saw the tears in my eyes and started to explain. My body is the perfect make up to be more of a power lifter, which I don’t see myself as that but that is what I love to do, Lift weights. She said that I am a slave to a number and I need to stop. So she suggested that I weigh myself once a month and get a body fat analysis monitor. There are other things I should focus on, Body fat/measurements/how my clothes fit. The scale doesn’t tell you everything.
When you weigh yourself often this can become a very destructive pattern, the scale for me was dictating my steps towards my health. I was stressed, discouraged, and obsessive. I have always used the scale to keep me accountable and in check. SO now that I don’t have that to measure my progress, I was nervous that this would discourage me on my weight loss journey.
The last time I weighed myself was September 27th and I have realized that the steps that I do daily cant be weighted: the healthy food I eat, my sleep, hydration, exercise…. These things don’t change just because of my weight. These are the things I will continue to do for the rest of my life. So it has been hard to not weigh myself but nice not to have that number hanging over my head. I cant tell you what I weigh right now. BUT, I can tell you that I feel good, I have been making choices that are in line with my goals for the most part, and my clothes are getting looser. So I maybe 200lbs for the rest of my life but if I am 20% or less body fat….. then I will be okay with that.
“Accepting your body as it is right now allows you to make decisions about caring for yourself in the present moment, which is, after all, the only moment you have any influence over.”
So I am on week 9 of 13 weeks for the Sugar Detox that I am doing or the Candida diet. I thought I was going to be on it for 6 weeks but then Julianna (my nutritionist) said “Oh no its going to be 3 mos” I totally got sucker punched. I can’t say that it has been easy. About week 3 my husband and I went to our favorite restaurant Donovan’s to celebrate 14 years of marriage. Donovan’s always gives you a complementary Crème Brulee. Now I am not a fan of Crème Brulee but Donovan’s makes the best one I have ever had. Ray’s dinner that he ordered came with dessert so he ordered the Cheesecake. Usually we would share the desserts. But since I can’t have sugar, I just sat there and watched Ray eat both desserts as I drank my tonic water and lemon. Although that was really hard for me not to say screw it and cheat, I didn’t. I was really proud of myself.
Here is our wonderful dinner……..
With temptation every day there are sometimes that you just don’t want to work hard and you don’t want to be diligent and you don’t want to look at a menu and think “I can have this but I need to switch this out for that and can I add a salad instead of fries and …..” That was me on Sunday night. I just wrapped up a great photo session with my friend Jenn and Brian and their sweet baby Sawyer. We were down at Oceanside Harbor and we were talking about dinner, Brian suggested Harbor Fish which is fish n chips. I have never been to Harbor fish but I have heard nothing but great things about their fish n chips. We get there and I look at the menu on the wall, Fried…. Fried…. And more Fried food. I justified it as “At least I am not eating sugar, which is what really feeds the Candida Yeast” I also could have said “I deserve it because I have been doing a good job” but do I really deserve to put junk in my body for doing a good job with fueling it correctly? I ended up ordering Fried fish and a salad instead of fries. It wasn’t as horrible as I use to order but still off diet and a really bad choice anyway. Especially since, I could have ordered a grilled chicken salad. I also ate some of Rays fries. I got really sick that night because my body is so use to eating clean. I felt guilty and now sick. I owned it, I made a bad choice broke my 9 week streak of following my diet. But as quick as I was to hop off the wagon I was that much quicker to jump right back on.
We are all human, we are all flesh, and we all fail and succeed. At that moment of weakness making a bad choice I could have easily said OH WELL and kept going. I could have said “I screwed up now I will just eat a candy bar and a pint of ice cream, and chips.” I didn’t, I accepted my moment of weakness, my poor choice and I moved on with the diet.
“Rather than viewing a brief relapse back to inactivity as a failure, treat it as a challenge and try to get back on track as soon as possible.”