/trænˈzɪʃ ən, -ˈsɪʃ-/ Show Spelled [tran-zish–uh n, –sish-] Show IPA
1. movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change: the transition from adolescence to adulthood.
On November 13, 2014 I lost my job.
I am the type of person that likes to control every aspect of my life. Or I like to think that I have the control over my life, but I ultimately know that it’s all up to God and his plan for me. We never like to be forced to change; we would like it all to be on our own terms.
When we are in transition its hard to cope. I have always been a person that “rolls with the punches”, ever since I was little I always embrace change and I still do. I asked all my friends on Facebook “What is the hardest thing about being in transition?” The most popular answer? “The fear of the unknown” I have to agree to that. I think that is the hardest part for me…. Was:
How are we going to pay the mortgage?
How am I going to pay the water or the electricity?
Not knowing how my husband and I were going to make it is the worst part.
When I became unemployed (not by choice) I went through different feelings:
I no longer had a set schedule. What do I do? Most of my friends are at work or have their own things going on. So where did that leave me? At home (and I can only clean so much) I started watching a lot of Netflix, stopped my eating healthy initiative because …. Whatever… and I started to get depressed. There was a lot of self doubt and sadness. I seriously felt like a loser. I wasn’t contributing to the household the way I want to; I was sitting at home feeling like I wasn’t doing enough. Second – guessing if I am ever going to get a job.
I was 37, jobless, not sure if I was going to make my bill next month…. (to be continued)
I am at the age where almost all of my friends either have children, having children, planning on their future child …. Or on their second or third child.
I’m very blessed. I live in a time and place where I have the freedom not to have kids. But that doesn’t mean society has fully accepted me.
Being married for coming up on 15 to Ray, there is NO surprise that children come up as a conversation. For me it’s always a very awkward and an uncomfortable conversation to have. It’s very black or white …. Either people are offended by the choice or commend my choice not to have children. Also there is a misconstrue assumption that because I don’t want my own children that I don’t like children at all…. In fact I have a very good friend that always claims that I “hate” kids, which breaks my heart every time. It’s just not true… I LOVE children, I just like them to go home at the end of the day.
I get all the time “Oh you would be a great mother” or “you are very nurturing are you sure you don’t want to share that?” But I do share these qualities. I share them every day. With my husband, my friends, my coworkers, my friends children. Just because I don’t have kids of my own doesn’t mean I can’t be an influence in other children. I want to take a moment to THANK my friends that allow me to be active part of their children’s lives because it means the world to me. I am like the BEST babysitter because I actually want to spend time with the children.
The choice to sacrifice should not be taken lightly. I am SO grateful to my parents and what they gave me. They had it HARD- My mom anyway, more so , than my dad. My mom worked 2-3 jobs just to make ends meet and give my sister and I everything we could have ever need and want, while she was sick with a heart condition. This goes for ALL parents. Parenting requires selflessness. If someone does not want to be selfless, they probably do not and should not want to start a family. With that said I feel that it doesn’t make you a bad person if you choose not to make an optional sacrifice. Actually I feel that it makes you a very smart person. It is a bad situation when someone has a child that isn’t wanted.
The idea of shaping a young person’s past, present, and future is scary, to say the least. This scares the CRAP out of me. It’s a HUGE responsibility and burden to bear. Keeping a kid alive and safe is one thing. Guiding them through life in THIS world is another mission entirely.
Having a healthy child is taken for granted. The chances that your child is going to be healthy without complications are 50/50. Not only would I be making the self sacrifice with having a child, what if that child had special needs? Are you ready for that? Could YOU as a person deal with the test and trials of having a sick child? I don’t know if, in my heart of hearts, I could deal with that. I have a facebook friend who has the most positive, beautiful, amazing daughter and she is in a walker, with a feeding tube, going to hospital visit after hospital visit. My heart just breaks every post of her sweet daughters struggle. I can’t even handle it on the outside looking in. What’s to say that I can handle it if it was my own?
Kids are expensive. I recently lost my job; I was out of work for 4 months. I was stressed daily with just the debt Ray and I have together. I couldn’t even imagine if I had a child depending on me as well. Its one thing for Ray and me to eat Top Ramen it’s another to have your kid living off that too. Between the expense and today’s economy, raising children is far from cheap. For some, it is straight unaffordable. I am in awe of all parents who make it work especially on one income. How do you do it? I don’t know. I refuse to struggle like my mom did. She was amazing and deserved way more than she had.
Some people say “Who will take care of you when you are old?” Kids or no kids, everyone should be saving for retirement. I don’t believe in treating children like indentured social security, and, let’s be honest; many people in nursing homes have children. I think it’s naive for anyone to have the expectation that their kids will take care of them …because sometimes they don’t. This is why it’s extremely important for me to be healthy. So I can take care of myself.
Children are a full life commitment. It’s not “18 and they are done” I know MANY people that moved out and moved back in with their parents. I did it too… I moved out at 18 and moved back in at 21 for a couple years. Children are ALWAYS around. You are ALWAYS taking care of them for the rest of YOUR life. Sometimes you end up raising your kid’s kid.
OH! And my favorite, “It’s different when it’s your own child” I always think …. But what if its not? Then I am stuck with a kid that I regret. That isn’t fair to anyone.
As I’ve mentioned before, I have deep respect for involved parents. Raising children is a HUGE decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. These are the people of our future. And in MY opinion it’s a dim future that I see coming and I am saddened for what is ahead for all of them.
I have very strong feelings and opinions about having my own children and I feel that it’s OK that I didn’t dream of growing up and having a baby. My husband and I can be a family without a kid. I am truly blessed that I was given a husband that respects, loves, and shares the same decision I have about not having children. Now we have the freedom to shower our friend’s children, nieces, & nephews with all the love, gifts, mentoring, and guidance, that will support their parents of course, as much as we want.
I apologize to the few of you that actually read my blog. I have been MIA for a while. There has been some major transition in my life. I put a lot of things on HOLD. I am excited to get back on track and I am eager to share with all of you what I have learned in this transition. Everything with this and what the outcome was in regards to my weight loss, my life, and my faith.
I have never been one to be about resolutions on New Year’s, mainly because resolutions are never kept. I once was told, “Never start a diet on a Monday, it will set you up for failure.” I think there is some truth to that. For example when I started my weight loss journey I didn’t wait for a Monday or a New Year, I started that day. I believe it was a Tuesday. I just feel people make this grand general statement, “I am going to be nicer” or “I am going to quit smoking” but I never hear the follow through on how.
Although I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, actually I did this year and it’s to “eat more bacon” (ha!) I do reflect on what I learned from the previous year and what goals I am going to put forth this year. I am very goal oriented. I have found that making goals long term and short term have been the biggest tool that has helped me be successful in my weight loss journey.
I use the SMART system to plan out my goals. Which I learned this in a marketing class about 18yrs ago.
Specific – Targeting one specific goal (example: I want to do a pull up)
Measurable – Put a number against the goal (example: I want to be able to 3 pull ups in a row)
Attainable – Make sure that this goal is something you can achieve (do you have a shoulder injury that prevents you from doing a pull up?)
Relevant – Your goal has to make sense to your overall goals and your lifestyle.
Time-bound – Give your goal a time range. If you are working to form a habit like “work out more” then set a weekly number of workouts that you want to achieve. Or if you are working on a performance improvement like “Being able to do 3 pull ups in a row” set an end date. (example: I will do 3 pull ups in a row by Sept 1, 2014)
The three goals I have for 2014 are:
- Reduce my personal debt
- Run a 5k in 36 mins (12 min mile)
- Travel some where I have never been
So those resolutions you made this year, turn them into goals. I hope to hear about your successes in 2014. Please feel free to contact me if you would like help with any part of setting your goals or if you just want to talk it out.