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Archive of ‘Mess of Me -May 2013’ category

Why Breakups Really Hurt

This is the last blog to wrap up my “Mess of Me” Series

Renee Fisher is my mentor, supporter and helped me create this lovely blog you are enjoying. Her new book “Loves me Not” is just an amazing insight on heartbreak and healing. If you like what you read here today you can find her book at Amazon Loves Me Not

Fisher COVER - Loves Me Not

Breakups really hurt because our hearts were never meant to experience heartbreak. 

“The tree Adam and Eve ate from is called The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (Genesis 3:5). It’s interesting that it wasn’t enough for them to know; they had to taste and experience this (good versus evil). I got this idea from Ray Bentley, my pastor, who shared recently just how crafty the enemy was. He chose his words carefully while deceiving Adam and Eve (who took the first bite).

They already knew God.

It was through this close and personal fellowship with God that they talked about all things. Even evil. But it wasn’t enough for Adam and Eve to talk about the meaning of evil with God. They had to experience it for themselves. 

That’s when sin entered the world.  

It didn’t take long for heartbreak (sin) to take effect. 

Soon Adam and Eve experienced loss. Cain, their first-born son, murdered their second-born son, Abel. Can you imagine the guilt they must have felt for disobeying God, yet also the experience of grace when Eve gave birth to Seth, their third child (Genesis 4:25)? 

As you navigate the realm of relationships in your own life, I encourage you to ask God to give you the wisdom to choose each relationship wisely. 

Proverbs 12:26 (NIV) says, “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” The hard part is letting God determine who is good.  

That means no rebounds.  

No one-night stands. 

No more hiding.  

Pursuing relationships peacefully and cautiously is a mandate designed by God for our protection. The proverb above doesn’t say you should only be cautious with opposite sex friendships—it’s both. Boundaries should be important with same-sex friendships too.

The ultimate test of friendship—male or female—is time, which is why I believe it’s important to be cautious. Instead of jumping from one relationship into another, choose your friends wisely—even the ones who help you overcome heartbreak” (Loves Me Not, 2013).

Be encouraged friends! 

God never wastes a step on the journey of love. 

I recently wrote a book entitled Loves Me Not (link coming soon), and I’m so honored to share with you all today.

I wanted to focus solely on heartbreak and how to find healing God’s way. Isn’t that crazy to note that we were never meant to experience heartbreak? That’s what makes redemption so much more meaningful. Every tear I’ve cried over a boy. Every broken relationship I’ve experienced–God knows and He cares.

If you or anyone you know is currently experiencing a broken relationship or a breakup–I encourage you to pick up the eBook for only $2.99. (I will send over the link once its live on Amazon and Barnes and Noble).

Here are a few benefits you will gain from reading this book:

+ Why Guarding Your Heart Isn’t Enough

+ Can Men and Women Be “Just Friends”?
+ Desperate Singles
+ Breaking Up With “The One”
+ Why Changing Your Significant Other Won’t Work
+ The Right Way To Breakup
+ How To Handle A Breakup
+ How To Be Your Own (Single) Person
+ Why Breakups Are Hard
+ He (Jesus) Loves You!

Relationships are very important to me.  

God had me wait over twelve years to meet my husband. It’s probably because God knew how long it would take to become the person He wanted me to be–instead of the person I thought I wanted to be.

I can’t wait for you to read it and be encouraged.



reneefisherRenee Fisher, the Devotional Diva®, is the spirited speaker and author of Faithbook of Jesus, Not Another Dating Book, Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me, and Loves Me Not. A graduate of Biola University, Renee’s mission in life is to “spur others forward” (Hebrews 10:24) using the lessons learned from her own trials to encourage others in their walk with God. She and her husband, Marc, live in California with their dog, Star.

Learn more about Renee at http://www.devotionaldiva.com.

Forgiving Me

{Guest Post – Katy Evans}

Katy is one of my closets friends. What I love most about Katy is her willingness to talk about her open adoption experience. I love her passion for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, This year is her 3rd year running the Rock n Roll half marathon. GO KATY!!!

me katy





Forgiving Me 

35 years on this planet and I have made my fair share of messes. Willingly and knowingly dated a man who was engaged to another woman, got pregnant by a man I barely knew and used anything within reach, chemically, to make myself not feel anything anymore. I came away from all those things to become a college graduate and a somewhat productive member of society. Yet, I was still a mess on the inside. I still looked at myself, as someone completely unworthy of love and that I deserved nothing good in life. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of covering up the pain from those around me and then the inevitable happened.

My brother died in his sleep.

You see, Ben (my brother) had Muscular Dystrophy, Duchene’s to be precise and we knew that it was a terminal disease from the time he was a little boy. He was always pretty healthy, so I never thought about it very much. He had gotten pneumonia the year before, but he beat it and I really thought my brother was an anomaly. That the good care my parents gave him and his absolute faith in God was going to give him a long life, and I completely took it for granted.

His passing brought my depression to the surface and there was no hiding it any longer. I confided in some friends who gave me the number to a therapist who would help me completely change my life. She helped me get to the root of the problem, which was, I could not forgive myself for anything I had done wrong. She reminded me of something that my brother and I talked about a lot in the last years of my brother’s life and that was God’s ability to forgive anything. All you had to do was ask. My therapist asked if God, the greatest being to ever be, could forgive me, then why couldn’t I forgive myself?

So I did. I forgave my younger self and let her go.

Why am I telling you this? It’s because we all need to remember that if God, our Creator, can forgive us of anything, then we need to follow suit. We must forgive ourselves as we forgive others so that we can grow and blossom into the people that God wants us to be.

I’m not going to tell you that my life is all sunshine and rainbows. I’m still a mess sometimes, but I am allowed to forgive myself because I get forgiveness from God. I don’t have to live in darkness and be a victim of my past and my bad decisions. Don’t let that ugly dark voice win, because we are all His children and you are LOVED!

Different Perspective

{Guest Post — Danny Avila}

Danny had been a great friend of mine since 2008. Danny has such different perspective on life and I appreciate that about him. He is a God loving man, photographer, videographer, and he is heavily into the high school ministry. You can learn more about Danny at http://www.Dannyavila.com

danny1 Peter 3:15 (NIV) But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.

As I wrestled this week with this idea of perseverance I struggled to find the direction I wanted to go. I didn’t want to provide you with another story about how I struggled in something and some how made it through it. Our culture is flooded with these stories, some based on real life events and others are just to encourage us for that moment.

I didn’t want to go that direction nor do I think it works. We’ve all persevered in things but we’re still not happy. We’ve all accomplished things, but we are still seeking satisfaction in something else.

I think that in order to persevere you need to learn to be content. Can we be honest and say we all had plans, we all had dreams and the majority of us didn’t get to accomplish them because our lives took a very different path than we had planned?

We live in a society that tells us we need to seek our goals, our dreams, our personal desires because we deserve it! “Carpe diem”! And the truth is that’s a ton of bullshit.

Talk to anyone who’s “made it”, they get there only find out they aren’t satisfied or fulfilled and they are left searching for the next thing and they are stuck endlessly chasing after a unicorn.

I have to refer to one of my favorite books of the Bible Ecclesiastes; it’s one of my favorites because it’s one of the most honest pieces of literature I’ve read. Solomon in his day was like The President of the United States, Hugh Hefner and Mark Zuckerberg all in one. He had the fame, the money, and especially the women. For the record he had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines, these would be modern day hookers. I point this fact out solely for the men and the lie we’ve been sold. Yet with the world at his fingertips he was unhappy and depressed.

Solomon’s problem was that he was never content. Sure he was happy at times but happiness is cheap and fleeting. What we should be seeking is joy, joy that abounds our circumstance weather good or bad. This joy gives hope, it gives passion; it motivates desires and supersedes anything that stands in your way.

I would challenge you to pause and reflect not on the things you want to accomplish and haven’t but what are the things you have accomplished already. You will naturally find this hard to do because as humans we are our own worst critics and we easily forget our accomplishments for the desire for more. Ask those who are closest to you, they’ll probably know instantly because it’s what makes them so proud to be a part of your life.

Focus on these things this week; use them as inspiration for the future and to give you motivation for when you fall to persevere and keep moving forward. Life is about trial and error don’t be scared to fall flat on your face because the truth is we’re all playing Ring Around the Rosie, we all fall down. Some of us just hide it better but I have found in life that those that are honest about our failures and shortcomings are those who people are drawn to the most. In a book I read called Everyone Is Normal Till’ You Get To Know Them the author calls this “the act of taking off our masks”. He points out that we are all so scared to take of our own masks but are drawn to people who have the courage to take off theirs.

Life is short; don’t waste your time chasing the wind. Spend time with friends and loved ones, eat some good food, have a good drink, laugh and tell jokes, tell stories that fringe on lies. Enjoy your life and don’t focus on what hasn’t happened but on what is already in front of you. So much of what we focus on is about tomorrow that we forget about today when tomorrow isn’t even promised to us.